SO MUCH AFRAID


woke up at 12plus going to 1PM today :X
i'm so tired, so afraid, so frightened.
i'm so much miserable.
i had had no secure at all.
i don't feel them, no i don't.
till now, till now then i realised that
i've been sucha fool for so long, so long.
have been fool over and over again.
i don't know what you're thinking about
and you don't know whats going through my mind as well.
i've been thinking all night long
perhaps that we shouldn't have started at all.
well, at least i will not have the mindset to end it.
i'm feeling so much of misery.


take last night's experience for example.
i need to feel so much of secure last night
but you did not give me any.
i think i've give up hopes on you already.
i cried last night, i admit.
maybe you think its silly but i cried
firstly, its not only because of you
it was partly because of that fella who freaked me out so much.
i was really so damn afraid of him then.
you didn't know what exactly happened to us
cause i chose not to tell you so much.
so what if you know everything? can you help much?
i doubt so.
since i chose to walk this bloody path,
i will not regret.
ever since last night, i promised that
that will be the last shed of tears i will be dropping for you.
over all this years,
i've learnt not to cry on the outside anymore.
i'm no longer that little girl you saw since then,
i've learnt to be strong and independent.


i may be stubborn but i'm afterall a girl.
let me ask you, which girl doesn't like to be pampered?
i was feeling so helpless last night.
i felt that i had no one to turn to,
no one to let out my sorrows.
the only person who accompanied me throughout the night was
HONGYUYANG.
i've been repeating and repeating his songs
over and over again.
and he really made me feel much much more better.


why should i care so much when you don't even care at all.
so why bother so much?
don't tell me you care when you actually don't.
thats deceiving.
i had had enough and i've decided.
let us cool down for a moment.
you don't need me and i don't need you now.
walk our separate ways and then decided again.
this may be harsh but i really need my own space.
i know you have been compromising
and i'm always the one who is taking advantages.
i'm sorry.
perhaps i'm not the cut for a relationship.
you once said that friendship come before relationship to me.
and i totally agree.
i can't live without my lovely friends.
but to me, you're equally important too
its just that i dont know how to express it in a sense that
i will not do anything but just sit there and look at you.


you made my heart die last night.
i don't feel your belonging at all.
i was so lost yet you're not there.
i was feeling so miserable.
give me a break, i need to think it through.
don't blame me for being heartless.
i've seen how disgusting this world can get.
strongly, i stand.


i'm sorry, i love you no more.
i've learnt not to cry so easily on the outside.
you broke my stone heart.
i'm feeling so terrible right now.