F U C K.

I'm sorry. I just can't find a better word which best describes the situation i'm in now but fuck. To be exact, the fuck which describes extreme anger. There are balls of fury rising in me, i despise myself. Trust me, i can be very suicidal now. Very.

Fuck 1, i'm left with 39 days to Olevels.
Fuck 2, there's still Biology Papers on Monday.

Fuck 3, i'm a fuckwit.

Fuck 4, i've screwed every single paper for Prelims.

Fuck 5, i cried today.

Fuck 6, i felt sorry for all the teachers who had taught me.

Fuck 7, i'm having no mood now.

Fuck 8, i'm home alone.

Fuck 9, its my parents' 21st anniversary today but its a sad day for me.

Fuck 10, i'm just a useless cow.

Fuck 11, i loathe the number - 11.

Fuck 12, i don't want to go to school.

Fuck 13, my eyes are idiotically pain.

Fuck 14, Px's message made me weeped like mad on 307 just now.

Fuck 15, Daud watched me cry.

Fuck 16, i shopped 7-11 again (i usually do that when i'm down)

Fuck 17, i bumped into my cousin just now&..

Fuck 18, i just want to die.

Fuck 19, i'm never optimistic.

Fuck 20, i've pretended to be strong all these years.

Fuck 21, i'm never myself.

Fuck 22, i'm actually a doleful person.

Fuck 23, the essays i wrote are always melancholy.

Fuck 24, i never thought that i would be suicidal.

Fuck 25, i like to smile so much till i forget how to do it now.

Fuck 26, i know you wish you never knew me. Yah you, the one reading now.

Fuck 27, i'm tired.

Fuck 28, i stuff myself with food whenever i'm angry/sad.

Fuck 29, the chips/ice-cream/maggi/candy/orange juice are swimming happily in my rummy-tummy now.

Fuck 30, i just want to blubber like a child now.

Fuck 31, i don't know how long i could rant on.

Fuck 32, i just can't stop cursing myself.

Fuck 33, can i have a better brain?

Fuck 34, i want to be intelligent.

Fuck 35, my eyes are still painful.

Fuck 36, my heart is wrenching now because i cried too much just now.

Fuck 37, i know friends care but i want to be alone.

Fuck 38, you don't know how emotional i can get.

Fuck 39, i need to study.

Fuck 40, i'm off to die now.

Luckily i'm not a muslim. Because i like to curse& swear truckloads. No use cheering me up now cause i just refuse to. Yes, i'm obstinate. I'm sorry, blame it on me. Its my fault afterall. I can blame no one but myself though i'm restless now. I'm tired. Goodnight world.

Try until you fail, fight until theres no hope, but never give up.

(Contridicting.)