I do want to be an all-rounder, like you you you & you.

But i'm nowhere near. -pause- I can't sense/feel/see myself getting flawless results in reality. I can't smell the air of victory. I felt lost. I felt stupidity. -pause- I'm not a solitary child but i find myself living a life of solitude. -pause- I had been real strong lately, really. But i almost burst out in hot tears while scribbling down the answers during Amaths. I was cursing myself for being dumb. I so wanted to sob my heart out but again i held back those unnecessary tears. -pause- They're everything i'm not, period. Lord, please grant me some leeway.



It seems to me like, no matter how hard/how much effort i had put in to study, the results of mine are still the same. -pause- Did i not put in enough effort? I believe so. Did i not have the capability to excel? I don't know. Did i not fall enough from those countless disgusting failure of mine? I don't want to fall again. Did i not try? I did! I really did. Damnit, i don't know why but i'm snivelling now. -pause- I know what's done cannot be undone& i also know that there's no use crying over spilled milk. But i really really really, really really am feeling very downcast right now. Oh, forget it. No one will know how i'm really feeling right now. Its in an influx of emotions.

PS. I actually did pause at places where i sprinkled '-pause-'. Just so you know.

Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.
(i know, but..)