I slept with a heavy heart last night.

I loathe thinking. I like being -tional. I loathe having to feel hurt. I like to be alone. I loathe saying so much. I like to type in short sentences. Cause i think it damn cool. So cool that i shit ice cubes. I loathe making decision. I like Mass Comm. I loathe picking the wrong course. I like Banking and Finance. Caught in a dilemma. I loathe having this don't-know-what-to-choose feeling. I like being random. Like what i've typed before this. I like digressing. Last night was the worst night ever. No one answered to my messages. At least within that few hours. No one answered. Then i think its the last few words which i had left on MSN for Conrad. That's why he called me the minute he came out from shower. And we talked till 3+. For once, sv didn't come to my mind. Why? I don't know.

Conrad went to NP yesterday. I was suppose to go too but there was a change of plan. N and T were there too. Regretted? Not so. Missed. More like it. Cause i haven't been seeing them for like ages. On a lighter note, so coincidentally Conrad's considering the same courses as me. Mass Comm and Banking and Finance. But its either NP or SP yeah. So perhaps. We'll be classmates or schoolmates some day. Yay? Too early to say anything.

Yes i'm still confused whether i want Banking and Finance or Mass Comm. Cause. Banking Finance is more interesting to me ONLY due to the career prospects and possible income earned. HOWEVER, i have almost zero interest in it.

Mass Comm looks interesting, like it's quite English based and i know i can speak well enough to do pretty well. BUT. I cant see myself being some Radio DJ or journalist.... maybe Public Relations but OMG. And I guess those two courses are interesting enough but but but but I dont know about the career prospects. I really want to earn good enough money when I'm older to support a family VERY VERY decently and give a good education and shit to my kids and be able to support them in everyway such that I can turn them into hot bodied sportsmen/women once they hit their teens and do well in studies unlike me. SHIT LAH. I loathe these kind of life changing/determining/screwing up decisions ):

25th is D-Day. 5 more days to go. I would be lying if i say that i don't give a damn to it but what more can i do? I loathe this. Like seriously. Fuck. Wanting to scream that out to the whole world. But all i could do is to type it out at this pathetic blogger of mine. Fed up, yes.

All above thoughts were what went through my head for the entire night. And i've to thank Conrad for being there. At least i know i've a friend who really, and i mean really, care. And somehow i feel that my extension cord to the people out there had been cut off. I don't have the i-belong-to-you-or-here feeling. And i prefer to keep everything in silence. Thank you.

Sad. Not so. Hurt. More i think.

Don't bother about me. I'm just being paranoid or whatever. Me with my stupid brain and crazy thinking. Let me chill. I hate life. Period.